Radical Faith

Being the first day of 2012, I felt it was appropriate to start the new year off with a new book.  I started "Radical" by David Platt about two hours ago and I just finished the first chapter and it already has me thinking. Excellent book, but:

WARNING: It makes you uncomfortable, rethink your entire relationship with Christ and makes you want to either preach or move to China and become an underground missionary. And this is just the first chapter.

David Platt is the pastor of a megachurch in Birmingham. His first chapter talks about how those who followed Jesus in the Bible (i.e. the disciples) gave up everything to follow Jesus. They abandoned their jobs, turned their backs on their families and gave up all their wordly possessions to follow Christ. In a culture where we complain about the speed of our Internet connection, our faith is nothing compared to theirs. The only requirement that we had for following Christ was basically "Bow your head, pray this prayer, fill out this index card and Praise be to Jesus, you're saved!!" How many of us would be so-called "Christians" today if we had to "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." (Mark 10:21) I can honestly say probably no one. 

Our vision of Jesus is that He is a nice, middle class, American guy. He doesn't mind materialism and doesn't want us to give up everything we have and become the homeless guy on the corner. He doesn't expect us to give up our closest relationships so that He receives all of our love. He doesn't want us to give up our comfortable life because he loves us "just as we are." He wants us to avoid dangerous situations and acheive the American dream. Wait, aren't we molding Christ into who WE want him to be?

What about the Christians across the world who hide in underground churches to worship our Savior who we can barely make it to church for? We can build $20 million church gyms but can't send 20 grand to Sudan for those dying of starvation and dehydration.

Are we serving the same Christ as those in underground churches in China who are risking their jobs, homes, families and lives for? We sit in climate-controlled, well-cushioned church pews and think we can't wait 20 minutes to return a text message. I'm guilty of all of these things and even more that I can't think of. Why am I not doing more discipleship and having more of an impact on the world around me?

"For the sake of more than a billion people today who have yet to even hear the gospel, I want to risk it all. For the sake of 26,000 children who will die today of starvation or a preventable disease, I want to risk it all. For the sake of an increasingly marginalized and relatively ineffective church in our culture, I want to risk it all. For the sake of my life, my family and the people who surround me, I want to risk it all."-David Platt

As I mentioned above, I just finished the first chapter. I'm sure I'll have more to say as I read on.

Greater is He That is in Me

Greater is He that is in me than he who is in the world. -1 John 4:4

I've heard this verse 4 times today from 4 different people. Okay God, I know you're trying to tell me something. What does this actually mean? I've heard it explained several different ways and the way that I have connected with it the most is the fact that no matter what is happening to me or around me, Jesus' power within me is greater than whatever I am facing at that moment. I still consider myself a new Christian, even though I've been raised in an amazing Christian home with some of the best mentors that anyone could ask for. I don't know everything and it's not meant for me to.

This verse has just been a very small part of a weekend where I have seen God at work all around me. Every moment has been a "Wow, God" one and it still amazes me that even though I know God created everything, I'm still mesmerized when I see Him at work around me. This weekend has been nothing extraordinary, the normal fall weekend that is filled with homework and family/friends, which has basically been my life as of late. This weekend was Disciple Now weekend, where students from a local college come up and lead Bible studies with local youth groups across the area and come together for worship at night. I had the opportunity to attend the worship service last night and it was amazing. It's odd to see so many youth come together and not be afraid to worship their God, fearless. It's amazing to see the Christian revolution that is going on in my old high school and watching those in my youth groups become amazing leaders and stand up for what's right in a very messed-up high school. Their boldness and willing to share Jesus without fear makes everything I do seem inadequate to the amount of witnessing that they do on a daily basis. This morning in my Sunday school class I had the opportunity to listen and learn from a guy younger than I am who has an unquenchable passion for sharing Jesus. Getting a new perspective was wonderful and showed me that yes, there are guys out there who has such a passion for God that they are not totally focused on girls. Seeing my youth group grow and being able to interact with them more than I have in a while because of college is amazing. I'm seeing so much more potential and so much more God being breathed into them. Watch out world, they are on fire for God!!! At church tonight I had the opporunity to listen to a man who has a heart for sharing the Gospel in Haiti through distributing fixed tuned radios to haiti's only Christian radio station. Listening to what a heart he has for God and what people are doing around the world in Jesus's name is a huge motivator and makes you want to get involved.

So to sum it all up, my weekend has been God-breathed and amazing. I'm looking forward to an amazing Chris Tomlin concert this Saturday night with a good friend and then the Hearts on Fire conference with my youth group the next weekend. Praying that my days continue to be God-breathed and that I am able to make an impact (no matter how small) on those around me.

Recovery Revelations

I didn't realize it had been so long since I last blogged. Wow, have things changed since I was last here. Sitting in the middle of my English Lit class tonight, I had a revelation.

I HAVE POSITIVE FEELINGS!!!!!

All of that anguish, pain, frustration, and sleepless nights have been worth it!!! I know it seems like I should have realized this before now but I'm kinda slow sometimes. ;) 

I'm able to live, laugh, and love. I'm able to go out and have fun without ED ruining my day. I'm able to go out on a date and actually enjoy myself. I'm able to have a meal with friends without crazy anxiety taking over.

I'm a college sophomore now!! ED hasn't been able to take power over me and I haven't had to sit out a semester for medical reasons or any reason, for that matter. I suffered through a rough "relapse" earlier this year but I've been able to maintain a stable weight for the past 2 months!!! It doesn't sound like alot, but when you're struggling to maintain recovery, you know how important that is.

I've been able to maintain my job for almost 2 years now!! ED hasn't prevented me from being able to work and maintain my hours. I've had many, many rough lunchtimes with ED being extremely loud, but I'm still pushing through it.

Even though this year has been filled with a string of  bad relationships, I'm able to go out on a date and begin to get know a potential boyfriend. I'm able to work past my insecurities and realize that even though I like to go out and have a good time, dating is not my whole world. I've been able to meet a wonderful person and know how you should be treated in a relationship-amazing. Talk about setting the bar high, guys. :) You'd better watch out. ;)         I've been able to turn down potential dates without feeling guilty.

I've developed amazing friendships with some amazing girls!! We have crazy wild ideas and have to remind ourselves that we have to try to stay on the sane side....not everyone can be stalkers ;) Deanna, Brittany, Elise, and Becca, you all are amazing and thanks for putting up with me. You all have encouraged me countless times and still do, tell me my butt looks sexy in my jeans and make me a better person, all together.

I could go on and on, but considering I have to work tomorrow and have Biology until 9 PM tomorrow night, I'm gonna wrap this up. 

All this, absolutely every single moment of the past five years, has been worth it to get to the point I am now. I'm happy, in love with my life, and feeling comfortable being me. I'm in love with my crazy personality, my body, my family, my friends, my life. Goodnight everyone and thanks for checking out my rambles.

For HE is with me!!!!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Thursday, April 14th was a regular day for me. I had class but something special was going on that evening and something would take place in me that I had no presence of mind to expect. The youth ministers in our county have been really amazing about booking big name bands and speakers to come and perform a "concert" for the youth in our county. This year, it was scheduled for Wednesday, April 13th and the following evening with Rush of Fools and pastor David Nasser.

Long story short, Wednesday night was an amazing service but I left having an uncertainity about my salvation but brushed it off believing it was just the normal doubts that every believer has. Thursday night, David Nasser began talking his wife and how she was the leader in our youth group, was looked up too and all-around, the classic good Christian girl. He then began to speak that was at a event like that one and realized she did not truly have salvation in Christ. Her actions for Christ were there, but the intent behind them was not. She was living to please people and not to please Christ. As he was speaking, I knew this was me. The passage at the beginning of this post was our Scripture focus that night and as David Nasser spoke, I knew that I deserved God's wrathful left hand but He always held me with His righteous right, even though I didn't deserve it. When it came time for the invitation to be given, David Nasser had everyone stand up with every eye open. He then proceeded to say that if you felt that you needed Jesus, you should come down and accept it.

With my nerves on end, I took a step out of my aisle and in front of five hundred plus youth and adults in my small community, admitted yes, I had the actions but not the faith behind them. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and admitted that I did not have a personal relationship with Him in front of all these people. Everyone knows how shy I am but this was not me taking that step, it was the Holy Spirit showing me what I needed to and leading me there. After I accepted Jesus, my wonderful youth minister led me out and prayed with me and helped me realize that even though those steps had been so tough to make, they were so totally worth it!!!

I had been saved at age eight but feel like that was just to please others and not to actually receive God's amazing grace. I have since united with my wonderful church family, Freedom Baptist, and am being baptized this coming Sunday. As soon as I said the sinner's prayer, I had these huge feelings of guilt come upon me because I knew that I had been living a lie for such a long time. My youth minister helped me to work through those thoughts and realize that they were of the devil, and not of God.

I have to say that every since I took that step, I have had a peace that passes all understanding. God is helping me work through things and let go what needs to be entirely in His control. Today is Easter and I have to say, every year before this, it has been just another holiday. Easter has a whole new meaning to me now because I know that my Jesus did die on a cross, but on the third day He arose and conquered that grave!!!!

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that has been written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."                1 Corinthians 15:54

Conviction

This has been my word of the last few weeks. Webster’s dictionary defines it as a strong persuasion or belief or the state of being convinced. I’ve been convicted in not only my spiritual life, but as well as in my recovery and in relationships.

I believe that a conviction is something that God has laid on your heart that He specifically wants you to abide by, whether it being something he wants you to do or something that he doesn’t want you to do. And then comes the time when Satan tricks you into thinking that there is a gray area in life…the area he says where there are no set rules and the lines between right and wrong become blurred. Man, that is such a lie as Satan is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44)

I’ve always had the conviction that God wants me to stay pure before marriage. As I’ve grown up, I’ve been through purity classes and done the True Love Waits bible study. But when you’re not in a relationship, it doesn’t hit home with you. I have two close friends who are getting married soon and I find myself really admiring the strong, pure relationships that they have with their fiancés.They both know that sex before their wedding day is not an option and they are able to honor and respect each other’s wishes. As I compare their relationships to those around me who haven’t waited, I see a huge difference. Those who chose not to wait are not as happy, their relationship is so much more complicated and rocky. In all my relationships, I want trust and honor, and not the rockiness and drama, for lack of a better word.

I didn't mean to make this blog about me getting on a soapbox and preaching about pre-marital sex.

Lately, my conviction regarding purity has really been tested. Luckily, I have amazing people around me who let me know that I’m headed down the wrong path. Even though I didn’t want to hear it and it was hard to accept that me, me of all people, was being tempted into things that were not healthy and honoring God. The relationship that has tested my conviction is very rocky and I know that you are reading this thinking she’s on the soapbox again..I’m just trying to figure out what’s best for the both of us, regardless of the emotions that get in the way. I have no idea where we will go from here, but in a relationship, both people have to make decisions based on their faith and morals and stick to them.

I see why and how it’s so easy for someone just to give in and say forget it, my conviction(s) are not that important. I used to look down on people who had sex before they were married, but it can happen to anyone. But one thing that I’m learning is that if I have anything, I have my convictions, and I know the difference between right and wrong.

I’m not going to go into much more detail but please, please stick to your convictions. If they weren’t right and from God/of God, they wouldn’t be convictions..

This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; that you will see the difference between good and bad and will choose the good; that you will be pure and without wrong for the coming of Christ; that you will be filled with the good things produced in your life by Christ to bring glory and praise to God. (Philippians 1:9-11)

Blessings

I heard a new song today, "Blessings" by Laura Story and it really got me thinking. We don't realize how much we are blessed. We, (including myself) take for granted our families, the roof over our heads, the abundant amount of food available for us, our education, our jobs and the relative safety and stability we are provided. We don't have to worry about being murdered, kidnapped or raped everytime we step outside. We don't have to walk 10+ miles each day to get water, which probably carries cholera or even worse. We have loving, supportive relationships and have a God who set His Son so we could live forever with him.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

We are absolutely blessed beyond measure. Even though we are let down, lied to, rejected and disrespected, we have a Savior who loves us beyond every mistake we make. I've been through so much but now I look back at all this as teaching lessons and "Mercies in disguise."   

I hope this song touches you as much as it does me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

Welcome to my new space

Welcome to my new blog. I've blogged in the past on my old Myspace account but this is my first blog that is totally recovery and Christ focused. I'm not promising to blog everyday or even once a month. I needed a place to share my thoughts and be able to "vent."