For HE is with me!!!!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Thursday, April 14th was a regular day for me. I had class but something special was going on that evening and something would take place in me that I had no presence of mind to expect. The youth ministers in our county have been really amazing about booking big name bands and speakers to come and perform a "concert" for the youth in our county. This year, it was scheduled for Wednesday, April 13th and the following evening with Rush of Fools and pastor David Nasser.

Long story short, Wednesday night was an amazing service but I left having an uncertainity about my salvation but brushed it off believing it was just the normal doubts that every believer has. Thursday night, David Nasser began talking his wife and how she was the leader in our youth group, was looked up too and all-around, the classic good Christian girl. He then began to speak that was at a event like that one and realized she did not truly have salvation in Christ. Her actions for Christ were there, but the intent behind them was not. She was living to please people and not to please Christ. As he was speaking, I knew this was me. The passage at the beginning of this post was our Scripture focus that night and as David Nasser spoke, I knew that I deserved God's wrathful left hand but He always held me with His righteous right, even though I didn't deserve it. When it came time for the invitation to be given, David Nasser had everyone stand up with every eye open. He then proceeded to say that if you felt that you needed Jesus, you should come down and accept it.

With my nerves on end, I took a step out of my aisle and in front of five hundred plus youth and adults in my small community, admitted yes, I had the actions but not the faith behind them. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and admitted that I did not have a personal relationship with Him in front of all these people. Everyone knows how shy I am but this was not me taking that step, it was the Holy Spirit showing me what I needed to and leading me there. After I accepted Jesus, my wonderful youth minister led me out and prayed with me and helped me realize that even though those steps had been so tough to make, they were so totally worth it!!!

I had been saved at age eight but feel like that was just to please others and not to actually receive God's amazing grace. I have since united with my wonderful church family, Freedom Baptist, and am being baptized this coming Sunday. As soon as I said the sinner's prayer, I had these huge feelings of guilt come upon me because I knew that I had been living a lie for such a long time. My youth minister helped me to work through those thoughts and realize that they were of the devil, and not of God.

I have to say that every since I took that step, I have had a peace that passes all understanding. God is helping me work through things and let go what needs to be entirely in His control. Today is Easter and I have to say, every year before this, it has been just another holiday. Easter has a whole new meaning to me now because I know that my Jesus did die on a cross, but on the third day He arose and conquered that grave!!!!

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that has been written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."                1 Corinthians 15:54

Conviction

This has been my word of the last few weeks. Webster’s dictionary defines it as a strong persuasion or belief or the state of being convinced. I’ve been convicted in not only my spiritual life, but as well as in my recovery and in relationships.

I believe that a conviction is something that God has laid on your heart that He specifically wants you to abide by, whether it being something he wants you to do or something that he doesn’t want you to do. And then comes the time when Satan tricks you into thinking that there is a gray area in life…the area he says where there are no set rules and the lines between right and wrong become blurred. Man, that is such a lie as Satan is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44)

I’ve always had the conviction that God wants me to stay pure before marriage. As I’ve grown up, I’ve been through purity classes and done the True Love Waits bible study. But when you’re not in a relationship, it doesn’t hit home with you. I have two close friends who are getting married soon and I find myself really admiring the strong, pure relationships that they have with their fiancés.They both know that sex before their wedding day is not an option and they are able to honor and respect each other’s wishes. As I compare their relationships to those around me who haven’t waited, I see a huge difference. Those who chose not to wait are not as happy, their relationship is so much more complicated and rocky. In all my relationships, I want trust and honor, and not the rockiness and drama, for lack of a better word.

I didn't mean to make this blog about me getting on a soapbox and preaching about pre-marital sex.

Lately, my conviction regarding purity has really been tested. Luckily, I have amazing people around me who let me know that I’m headed down the wrong path. Even though I didn’t want to hear it and it was hard to accept that me, me of all people, was being tempted into things that were not healthy and honoring God. The relationship that has tested my conviction is very rocky and I know that you are reading this thinking she’s on the soapbox again..I’m just trying to figure out what’s best for the both of us, regardless of the emotions that get in the way. I have no idea where we will go from here, but in a relationship, both people have to make decisions based on their faith and morals and stick to them.

I see why and how it’s so easy for someone just to give in and say forget it, my conviction(s) are not that important. I used to look down on people who had sex before they were married, but it can happen to anyone. But one thing that I’m learning is that if I have anything, I have my convictions, and I know the difference between right and wrong.

I’m not going to go into much more detail but please, please stick to your convictions. If they weren’t right and from God/of God, they wouldn’t be convictions..

This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; that you will see the difference between good and bad and will choose the good; that you will be pure and without wrong for the coming of Christ; that you will be filled with the good things produced in your life by Christ to bring glory and praise to God. (Philippians 1:9-11)